Final Fantasy XI: You DIDN'T
by ecnal nogardnap
Summary: Two Tarus accidentally caused the death of an entire guard unit. Stop me if you've heard this one before.


_**Final Fantasy XI: You DIDN'T.**_

**Disclaimer:** SquareEnix owns FFXI and every so-called 'Final' Fantasy game. The duo mentioned and the random guard unit, however, are mine.

**Summary: **This here's a story of calamity and stupidity. It involves two mages. Two Tarus. One disaster. Enjoy!

**A.N.: **Well, here I am posting it again, though I stupidly deleted it as a mistake. Here I go again!

_-Circa 5 years B.FFXI-T-L-of-O-D-E (Total Lack of Official Data Epic)…-_

"You DIDN'T."

It was breezy day in Windurst and the residence of the Star Sybil was feeling it as well. However, the normally calm moral leader of Vanadiel was facing a disastrous event. One which would forever garner worldwide ridicule for Tarus everywhere if given enough publicity.

"I'm afraidy-waidy we did, ma'am."

"We're sorry-worry, ma'am!" came the still-native accent of a certain Alexander Windsilver, powerful black mage of the order. His 'friend' nods.

"If it weren'taru for what he did, we ALL would have gotten-wotten out alive!" Dufas, equally powerful white mage says. His nemesis scowls.

"ASSMONKEY! You meany-weany whataru WE did!"

"Freaky-weaky!!! If it weren'taru for you, we wouldn'taru be here!!!"

The Star Sybil clears her throat. The two diminutive mages turn to her and bow.

"OK, OK, fine. Since we can't count on BOTH of you as witnesses, I have summoned a black mage here. He will extract copies of the event from your minds into an orb, and we shall be able to see what happened."

At that moment, a highly disciplined Galka (who surprisingly wore a mage's outfit) walked into the room followed by a slight breeze. The bumbling duo gulped.

"Madame, I am here," he says in his baritone voice.

She nods.

"Very well. Begin the procedure."

The two mages then attempt to run, However, they are soon picked up by the Galka by their heads. His hands light up suddenly and the two scream in pain, the magical energies seething through their very brains.

As a matter of fact, the high-pitched yelps would actually be comical were it not for the context of magical forces ripping out a part of the two Taru's memories.

Soon, the two are released, dropping on the floor and gasping for air.

"By…the light…and…Altana…" the white-oriented chubby Taru mutters.

"Ass…monkey…" his thin counterpart groans.

The memories of battle float at first, a bright orange. Then, they twist and violently shift all around the room, echoing the battle that took place.

With remarkable composure, the black mage Galka takes out a tiny amber orb and holds it out. Swiftly uttering a chant, the dark robed giant soon absorbs every inch of thought into it in a surprisingly efficient manner.

Walking calmly as the (ahem) dynamic duo writhe in agony over vestiges of the spell, he hands the tiny orb, no bigger than a marble, over to the Star Sybil.

"Thank you," she says with a bow. The Galkan delivers an even more respectful bow and leaves the room.

Dufas hears the thuds of the black mage's footsteps, then the closing of a door. He slowly gets up, as does Alexander Windsilver. Unfortunately, they soon discover that they should have stayed down…

"Now," the Tarutaru head begins, "Let's take a look at what you REALLY did on that fateful day…"

She holds it up, says another incantation, and soon, a large image appears, rather like a mystical TV screen.

"Hmm…It was a cooooold day…A day that chilled you to your very bones…"

_-Roughly yesterday…-_

The guard unit of the western section of Windurst was…well, on guard. They patrolled the foresty areas near the border. True, Yagudo had agreed to 'slow their assaults' as per their diplomatic meetings, but on a scheduled halt to attacks, it was always wise to keep an eye out.

Dufas and Alexander Windsilver. The head of the mages in the fifty-strong unit, a mix of most races organised into a squad.

Melee-ists up front, rangers and long weapon (specifically polearm) users in the middle and mages in the back, all according to race.

Movements in the trees were sighted.

"I don't like the looks of this…" a Mithran ranger muttered. The leather armour clad female strung her bow and tested the string a bit.

"Don'taru worry," the lead Taru said confidently. He was, surprisingly, a warrior of sorts, in adorably small armour.

"By the looky-wookies of things, they're justaru a scouty-wouty unit for future battles…So long as we don'taru alert them, we're safy-wafy."

A Galkan in Dragoon armour nods nonchalantly. Purple armour or not, he was the undisputed lead warrior of the group. His red wyvern cawed.

"But they're awfully close…We should stick around just in case."

Meanwhile, our 'intrepid' duo was bickering…again.

"Assmonkey, why'd you bringy-wingy me here!" the black mage started.

"By Altana, if you hadn'taru burnt that shop to the groundy-woundy, we wouldn'taru be here in the first place!" his compatriot complains.

The Mithran hushes the two 'special volunteers' harshly. They nod apologetically. However, they still whisper frantically.

The Yagudo troop shifts closer. A group comprised of warriors and hunters. They shuffle through the undergrowth, causing an uncomfortable rustling. The screech of an animal is heard.

"See?" the tiny warrior Taru says, "They're a huntaru group."

An Elvaan white mage looks worriedly, amongst others.

"But one false move and…"

"ASSMONKEY, THATARU WAS YOUR FAULT! YOU AND YOUR STUPID-WUPID MIST TR…!"

Caw?

The whole forty eight of them looked in horror.

Apparently, loud discussions of things long past alerts sensitive beastmen.

The Galkan Dragoon hissed at the two mages with his wyvern in accompaniment.

"Be QUIET! They're aware we're here…!"

Unfortunately, the redoubtable Dufas and Alexander didn't take heed.

"FREAKY-WEAKY! WE ALL KNOW YOUR THICK HEADY-WEADY ALWAYS GETS US IN HOTARU SOUP! YOU JUST HAD TO TALK BACK TO THE GALKAN…!"

Caw! Caw caw!! CAW!!!

"Oh no," the ranger moaned, "They'rrrre SIGNALLING each other!"

The warrior Taru waddled over angrily yet funnily.

"Shutaru up before the beastmen…!"

"FIRAGA!!!"

"SHELL!!!!"

KABWOOOOOOM.

The guard unit was blown away as Dufas and Alexander faced off in a staredown. Fortunately, there weren't any casualties as the scattered unit started to get up. The Dragoon, closest to the border of forest that separated the Windurstian territories from the beastmen, grunts as he struggles, his drake pulling at him.

Unfortunately, a resounding CLANK of a clawed leg against his plate armour was heard in a manner similar to hearing a pin drop in a library.

"CAW!!!"

With two definite signs, he looks up to see an aggressive sword-swinging Yagudo looking down at him, his fears realised.

"Oh, sh…"

_-Present day…-_

The rest is history. The Yagudo slaughtered the guard unit and the western section lost an outpost. All because Dufas and Alexander Windsilver wouldn't 'shutaru' their mouths. Of course, by all rights, some might have escaped, but only the black and white mages lived to 'tell' this tale.

An unbearable silence followed as caws and screams echoed from the screen.

Then, the Star Sybil spoke again.

"…You DIDN'T."

The two Tarutarus meekly nodded in shame. Sighing, Vanadiel's moral leader starts to pace the room, speaking to the two in a calm yet strict tone.

"Mister Dufas, Mister Windsilver, this is an incredible offence. I'm afraid you not only harmed our country's well-being and caused the deaths of around forty sentients, but you have brought shame to Windurst as well."

The two gulped, muttering a small "Sorry-worry…"

She nods and moves to them.

"I'm afraid that while I don't believe in the death penalty, I will have to…banish you. You are not allowed in Windurst until further notice."

The two looked up suddenly.

"But HE was the one who…!"

"That FREAK…!"

They were interrupted.

"Your rings, please."

The rings. The rings of citizenship. Reluctantly, and with a sense of finality in the air, our dynamic duo…took off the rings. Handing them over, they sighed.

"And may Altana watch over you both," the Star Sybil added gently.

_-Circa around six hours before FFXI: T-L-of-O-D-E…-_

Time had passed. Accents had faded. In a comfy inn in Sandoria, two humiliated Tarutaru mages sighed in remembrance.

Too tired to argue for the day, they were surprised when they heard a knock on their room door. With a wind spell, it was opened.

"Nanaki?" Dufas said in surprise. Nanaki was a paladin they met and helped on their journeys around last year. He had helped them get a temporary pad in Sandoria.

The young man smiled gently. He was carrying what looked like a bag of gil besides the shield he slung on his back and the long sword he kept at his side.

"Hello there.

"Guys, I think I'll need your help with something…"

_**The Beginning!**_

**A.N.:** And that's it! Thanks for reading, guys!


End file.
